Am I Alive?
by Lexanye Thunder-Black
Summary: The pit in her stomach won't leave. She doubts it will ever go away. Her throat is closed up, they don't even want her anymore. Now that she's dead, they couldn't care less about her. And his midnight eyes are the only ones she recognizes. Eventual self harm, abuse, no lemon, character death, no Charas.
1. Chapter 1

Lexanye here for another fanfic.

I don't own Shugo Chara, so there.

Chapter One

"Onee-chan!" Ami shrieks as I push her on the swing. I laugh with her shrill shrieks, her brown hair flows with each push, "Higher! Higher!" Her tiny hands wrapped around the chains, knuckles turning almost white.

"You can't go any higher Ami!" I yell over her laughs, "Come on, let's get home and eat lunch, I'm starving!" I slowly bring her to a standstill, her arms cross over her chest.

"No! Swing more!" She gives me this hard look.

"Ice cream for lunch then? I'm pretty sure mom picked up some green tea flavoured yesterday," I grin. Her bright amber eyes that mirror mine light up instantly.

"Yay!" She jumps down and tugs on my shirt sleeve, "Let's go! Let's go!" I nod and start to walk out of the small park.

A light wind blows, and puffy white clouds roll across the blue sky. I sigh in content, then I realize my hand is empty. My eyes quickly dart around the sidewalk, my heart accelerates and my stomach drops.

Then, the horn honks. I hear screams, and the crushing of glass. I look ahead, her tiny body crumpled in a heap, blood pooling and draining down the street, "AMI!" I scream, running towards her.

I feel sick, tears well up in my eyes. I grab her and turn her so I can see her face, "Ami, hey! Ami!" I cry, I wipe the blood from her face. The amber eyes are dark, lifeless, "No, God, no! Ami!" I pull her close to me, I'm almost doubled over. My fingers lace into her hair, "No, not my baby sister. Ami!"

The sirens blare from all around, and that's when I hear the talking too. I look around and see the ambulance, and cop cars, pulling up.

It finally hits me. My baby sister is dead. She's gone, and I can't save her.

My body begins to shake and I look down at her, the once pink dress is stained with blood. Nothing else can be seen, not the cute pink daisy's, or the little smiling sun. No, the vermillion drips onto the hot asphalt.

The EMT's pry her out of my arms, and a cop leads me to his car. I see his lips moving but nothing is heard. Everything is mute now. All the colours are monochrome. I'm freezing, shivering. My arms are wrapped around myself, and I advert my gaze to the blood streaked pavement.

What are mom and dad going to say?

Is everything going to stay the same?

This is all my fault, I should've been paying attention.

Ami is dead because of me.

I killed my sister.

"Amu!" The voice breaks through the standstill. Midnight eyes meet mine, searching for something. I know him, I know I do, "Are you okay? Amu? Answer me!" His voice desperate, concerned.

"I-ku-to?" I ask, my voice cracking.

He nods, "What happened?"

"She's dead… It's my fault," the tears roll down my face again, "I-I killed my baby sister."

His eyes widen, the slyness gone.

Everything becomes mute again.

I remember the cop and Ikuto getting in the car with me.

But after that it's completely blank, I don't remember getting to the hospital or having the blanket wrapped around me.

Ikuto stayed with me the entire time I think.

"Amu." I look up and see my mom and dad, eyes blank of anything.

"Ami's dead," my dad says, he's in shock too. My mom holds tight to his arm for support, her eyes puffy and bloodshot, her cheeks red with tear tracks running down them both.

"I-" My dad raises his hand.

"Don't, just stop," he looks at Ikuto, then to my mom, and they walk out.

"They don't want me anymore," I mumble, pulling my legs up to my chest.

"They're in shock Amu, it'll be okay… Okay… Not the best word right now," he hugs me, resting his chin on top of my head, "it'll get easier, not better, but easier," he whispers.

I don't even nod, I just stay in one position, staring at the white washed walls until he makes me go out to a waiting car.

"Do you want to go home?" He asks me.

I shrug. I don't know what I want right now, the pit in my stomach still hasn't gone away. I doubt it ever will. My body is just numb, not cold, not warm, just numb.

"Am I alive?" I whisper.

"Yes, you're alive Amu," Ikuto brushes his fingers through my hair.

"Oh yeah… That's my name…" He stops, and sighs lightly.

"And guess where you're staying tonight."


	2. Chapter 2

Here is the second chapter to Am I Alive?

I do not own Shugo Chara! And I am not making any money off of this.

Chapter 2

Ikuto has Utau help me change into a set of her clothes, "I'm sorry your sister died," she whispers, fixing my hair and brushing it down, "I couldn't imagine that happening to me."

I stare down at the white carpet; she sighs lightly and walks out. The door shuts and I hear talking behind the wooden surface, "I bet they're throwing my stuff out now, and sitting in Ami's room, holding her stuffies."

Warm hands clasp my cheeks, and his eyes meet mine again, "Stop spacing out, you'll get lost if you continue," he sits next to me on the black sheets, "do you want to talk?"

"What's there to talk about?" I mumble, rubbing the soft fabric of the pants.

"Ami. Your parents. Amu, what're you thinking right now?" I watch as he takes my hand and traces patterns on my skin, "Come on, say something," he urges.

I slowly advert my gaze to him, and he smiles when he realizes I'm looking at him, "Can I die?"

The midnight eyes go wide, "No, you cannot!" He practically yells, "You have no reason to die Amu!"

"But Ami-" He holds up a hand.

"That is not your fault. You weren't driving the truck were you? No. It was an accident that you could've only avoided if you died, or weren't in that area at that time," he brushes my hair back and rests his forehead on mine, "Amu, you are not at fault for this. It's called an accident for a reason."

I nod lightly, but I don't take the words to heart, I can't. She's still dead, I could've saved her, I should've saved her. My body is still numb, it doesn't seem real. She was just a baby, if anything, I should have died. Not Ami.

The look on Ikuto's face shows that he doesn't believe me. I can't help but look away from him, I stare back down at the pants. They have a card suit pattern, it's familiar, I don't know why.

"…Amu!" I quickly look over, Ikuto sighs once more, "I'm assuming you're not hungry." It's a statement, not a question.

I don't think I could handle food right now. I can barely handle living right now.


	3. Chapter 3

Another chapter is here. Is anyone excited?

I do not own Shugo Chara!

Chapter 3

Ikuto and Utau sit eating the takeout that they had delivered. I stare down at the container, then stand up, "Bathroom," I say, and walk down the hall.

The door shuts behind me, and when I look up, I'm met with my reflection. My pink hair pulled back in a low pony tail, but flicks of hair are sticking up and curling over. The amber eyes are lifeless, and then, I see Ami.

I can see her broken bones poking out beneath the bruised and bloodied flesh, "Onee-chan!" She cried, the tears running down her face, "Help!" She screams, reaching out for me, I feel my heart speed up once more.

"Ami!" I scream, and reach out to her, I feel her cool touch, the blood splattering onto my skin, "I've got you!" Then the mirror shatters, and I'm holding nothing. My knees go weak and I fall backwards, it wasn't Ami's blood, but my own, that splattered onto me. Shards of glass are lying lifelessly on the floor.

The sting of the cuts makes this all real. I don't feel numb anymore… It's almost nice. My mind wanders to the idea of what if I just stabbed myself now. Would Ami still meet me on the other side? Or would I go straight to Hell for killing my baby sister?

It's not long before the door flies open and Utau shrieks, "Ikuto!" She falls before me, gingerly picking up my arms and examining them, "Amu, what'd you do?" Her violet eyes widen with fear and concern.

"I saw Ami," I smile, the tears running down my face.

"Utau?" I look up and his eyes lock with mine.

"She broke the mirror," Utau says, looking up as well.

He opens the doors under the cabinet and grabs a medical kit, "I'll clean up the glass, can you get her hands wrapped?" She nods and pulls me to my feet.

"Come on," she whispers, an arm around my waist.

"I'll be there once this is done," Ikuto yells down the hall.

"Hurry up!" Utau yells back, and swiftly seats me in the kitchen, "You're such a klutz Amu," she gives me a small smile, "stop worrying us."

"I'm sorry," I sigh, "I'll stop."

She pulls glass out of various cuts, and has to run water through some to get the smaller shards to come loose. The pain is good, I don't feel dead anymore.

A hand rests on my shoulder and I shriek. My head whips back and Ikuto gives me a sly grin, "That's not funny!" I yell, yanking my arm away from his sister.

"Hey, hey, hey," he places a hand on my head and grabs my arm lightly, "I'm sorry," he pulls my arm over and Utau goes back to wrapping it.

"Tell me if it's too tight," she smiles.

I nod, and once it's around my wrist, it becomes too tight, but I don't tell her. It hurts, not really bad though, it's a good pain.

"You didn't eat at all," Ikuto mumbles while cleaning up the water that was spilled on the floor, "Amu, you need to eat."

"Just not hungry right now…" My voice fades off and he only smiles.

"At least you're talking in sentences now," he throws the towels over to a corner and places the medical kit on the counter, "bed time?" He questions when I yawn.

"I guess," I nod, and he pulls me to my feet with a smirk.

"To my room then," and my cheeks flare up in red, "aww, look at that. You're blushing again, my little Amu is back," he brushes his cheek against mine.

Maybe I am alive after all.


	4. Chapter 4

Here's another chapter. I am not going to tell you to review, because I know that if you wanted to then you would.

Have a nice day.

Chapter 4

I unlock the door to the house and walk in. It's completely dark, the television is shut off, there's not even a small amount of noise. Slowly, I pull my shoes off and walk down the hallway, "Mom? Dad?" I ask, nobody replies.

"They must've left me here for good," I think with no emotion. My feet carry me to my room, but my parent's door opens before I can make it there.

"Why did you come back?" My dad asks, his voice hoarse, eyes blood shot.

My voice fails me, I can't make a sound.

He grabs me by the arm, "You killed Ami! You should've protected her better!" He yells, my body begins to shake, I try and pull my arm from his grasp, but he holds on tighter.

"I-I'm sorry!" I finally blurt out.

"That's not good enough! My baby is dead because of you!" And I'm shoved down the stairs. I hit every stair as I go down, my body aches, my bones break. I see my right arm is sticking out at a weird angle, and my vision is blurry.

"They really don't want me after all…" I get up, wincing in pain. My arm is becoming darker by the minute. I go back up to the bathroom and unwrap my arms from the bandages Utau put on them last night.

My mind goes blank as I wrap a stretchy bandage around the entirety of the bruised and damaged appendage. It hurts even worse, the burning sensation wrapping around the broken flesh. I take medicine to help the pain, and walk to my room.

I go to my closet and pull on a long sleeve red plaid shirt and black pants. I don't want Ikuto to see the bruises my dad made, that would only worry him more at this point. I can't afford for him to constantly worry on my behalf… I should be dead anyway.

Ami's reflection passes through my mind and I cringe. My body doubles over, my stomach falling to my feet and tears welling up in my eyes again. I collapse to the floor and lay there, her mangled and bloody body continuously flashes across my mind.

I barely make it to the bathroom again before the bile rises in my throat and burns my mouth. I cough, though only making it worse, my hair falls over my shoulders and gets caught in the stream. It's disgusting, how I'm still alive but Ami isn't.

Finally, I just collapse on the floor. My mind races, my heart is trying to keep up the quick actions that my body is being put through. The pain in my arm shoots up to my shoulder and lands somewhere in my chest.

I curl up in a ball, knees against my chest, arms outstretched before my eyes. I'm pathetic. Lying here like a child who's throwing a tantrum, I should be acting like an adult… I should've saved Ami. That was the adult thing to do, save my sister and sacrifice myself. I'm no adult, I'm just a coward.

My eyes shut, and blissful darkness encases me. It's quiet, and sweet. I wonder if this is what death's like.

Why am I still alive?


	5. Chapter 5

Here is another chapter in one day, so today is obviously a good day. I hope it is for my readers as well.

Chapter 5

I wake up but I'm not in the bathroom anymore. I'm in my bed, wrapped in my blanket, the lights are off and the blinds to my balcony are shut.

"How are you feeling?" I look up and Ikuto is sitting on the edge of the bed, "Your arm's broken Amu, what happened?" The navy blues shine with worry.

"I tripped down the stairs, I have a really bad headache Ikuto," I mumble, throwing my good arm over my eyes.

His hand gently rubs my leg, his eyes cool and collecting, "Do having the lights off help?" I simply nod, "Have you seen Ami?"

"I wish," my voice cracks and he rubs my cheek, "I miss my baby sister." My throat feels like it's closing up, my heart is collapsing. I sit myself up and wrap my arms around myself. The warm hands on my shoulders try to push me back into the bed, but I shove the hands away.

"Amu, stop. You're hurting yourself," he says quickly.

"Leave me alone!" I cry, "You don't know anything!"

"I would if you told me!" He snaps back, I flinch, and push myself away from him. Except, I fall. My head hits the wardrobe, and my arm hits the metal headboard, I cry out from the pain.

"Amu! Amu!" I hear her scream, my eyes flash open and I see her on my bed.

"Ami!" I shriek, and my door flies open.

"What are you doing here?" I see my dad again, but my mom is behind him this time, "We don't want you here anymore!" He yells, my mom is crying behind him, not saying anything against it.

Ikuto's face goes dark, but I grab a bag and quickly get the things I need, "I-I'll leave now!" I try to go past him but he grabs my bad arm, "Ah! Let go!" I cry.

"I don't want you here anymore. Leave and don't come back dammit!" He shoves me against the door frame, and my arms hits it again.

Ikuto shoves my dad back and takes my hand before leading me outside. He doesn't say anything, his face looks like my dad's; dark, unforgiving, and malicious. I can't stop shaking now; I'm tripping over my feet trying to keep up with his pace. I can barely see now, everything is turning onto ends.

"I-Ikuto," I say, "stop," he doesn't hear me or doesn't care. I grab his sleeve, "Ikuto, please stop!" I beg.

"Why?" He snaps.

"I can barely see!" That makes him stop, he looks down at me, then he reaches up and wipes my cheeks with the edge of his sleeve.

"What happened?" He places both hands on my cheeks now.

"He pushed me down the stairs, I hit my head and things got fuzzy. I hit my head again on the wardrobe…" My voice fades and he picks me up bridal style.

"Damn idiots," he mumbles, I wrap my arms around my back pack and he holds me tighter, "it's not your fault she was hit." He stops and holds me close, I blink a few times before I realize he's sniffing my hair.

My cheeks flare up and he laughs, "My little Amu," he cradles me and nuzzles my neck.

"Shush!" I shriek. He laughs louder and a small smile comes to my face.

We get to his house again, but Utau is at the recording studio. Ikuto lays me down on the couch, "You need to eat, so stay here, I'll make you food."

"What kind of food?" I ask, he gives me this look.

"You'll eat whatever I give you at the moment, you're in no position to argue," he kisses my forehead and walks out.

It might be okay to be alive.


	6. Chapter 6

I hope things are going okay for you, things are going great for me.

Have fun reading this new chapter.

Chapter 6

"You need to eat," Ikuto says, running his fingers through his hair.

"Do you want throw up on your beautiful white carpet?" I mumble, shoving the bowl away. His eyes go wide and I roll my eyes, "Question, answered."

"You know what, I don't care anymore, please eat," he stands up and walks over, pushing the bowl towards me again.

"You are," I shove the bowl back to him, "denied."

He laughs loudly, "Okay, fine. Would you drink something?" I shrug and he walks out again. I look out the window and see the bright blue sky with puffy white clouds.

I'm at the park with Ami again, she's laughing as I push her on the swing. Then, I see her twisted body stuck under the truck. The blood splattered street, and the eyes of onlookers widened with fear.

Her amber eyes are open, staring into my soul. I scream her name, but she doesn't move. I'm holding her tiny body again, everything blacks out. It's just us again, my baby sister and I, her blood splattered all over me.

Her blood is on my hands.

"Amu!" I come back and see Ikuto holding my wrists tight, it hurts, but I see blood, "What happened?"

"A-Ami," I stammer, he reaches up and brushes my hair down and back before kissing my forehead and holding me tight, "I should've died, not her. I should've pushed her out of the way!"

"You can't change what's already happened, be grateful you are still with me," he whispers against my ear.

"What's the point if my own parents want nothing to do with me? I'm nothing in their eyes now except a murderer," I shut my eyes and shake my head.

"Calm down sweetheart, it'll be okay. We'll figure it out," he says softly.

"Let me go…" I mumble.

"What if I don't want to?" He asks with a sky grin.

"I need to pee," I hiss, and he lets me go so I can go to the bathroom.

I'm met with the blank wall, the mirror and shattered remains gone like it never happened. I stare at the blank spot and her face flashes through my mind. The stinging feeling of the glass tearing open my skin. The numbness disappeared.

My eyes glance over to see the small razor sitting there, right next to the toilet paper. I feel an idea spark in my mind. I sit on the lid of the toilet, taking a deep breath, I reach over and haphazardly grab the blade. It slides out of my hand, cutting the base of my fingers as it goes, I suck in a breath as the pain hits me.

It's right behind my eyes, the weird, sparking sensation. My eyes shut and I let myself sit there until I'm okay.

"Ikuto!" I shriek, and I hear him run down the hall, "I cut my fingers!"


	7. Chapter 7

Hello, here is the new chapter. I hope you were not left suspense too long.

I do not own Shugo Chara!

Chapter 7

He wraps the bandages around my fingers, the thin, scarred fingertips amaze me, "Violin isn't just moving a bow Amu," he smiles, "I worked a long time and extremely hard, I earned these scars."

This makes my heart stop; the talk of these scars makes me feel sick to my stomach, like I've been found out. I come back and see him snapping his fingers in front of me, "Amu! Your face went pale sweetheart."

The midnight eyes meet my honey ones in a stalemate; it's seemingly never ending, until he pulls me onto his lap. I shriek when I feel like I'm falling, "Ikuto!" I smack his chest and he grins wide, "Stop that!"

"Make me then," he sticks his tongue out and I pout, "aww what's wrong?" His forehead leans against mine, it's warm with him.

I smile softly and shut my eyes. We sit like that for a while, it's safe and comforting. The pain in my arm seems to disappear, the pain of missing my baby sister is slightly gone but not completely faded away.

"It's nice," I sigh, he runs his hands up and down my forearms, "I'm safe here."

"You've always been safe with me, that's never changed," he kisses my cheek, "you'll always be safe here."

We get up after awhile and he pulls me to the kitchen, "Juice?" He asks, I shake my head, "Tea? I have green tea," he shows me the container, and I nod slightly.

"I still feel sick to my stomach…" He furrows his eyebrows but puts water in the kettle, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, you need time," he hops up onto the counter, "I couldn't imagine what you're going through. I don't know if I'd want to, but you need time and I'm willing to wait."

"Ikuto," I look down, staring at the bandages, I want to tell him but I know I can't.

Together, we sit in complete silence until the kettle starts to whistle. He pulls down the honey and shakes it me with a sly smile, I nod slightly and he laughs while pulling down other things. The cups are white with little stars and a crescent shaped moon scattered across.

The tea is warm, and smells amazing. I'm sure it's just the fact that tea has always calmed me is the reason why I'm content right now, but that doesn't change one thing. Without the pain, I'm just numb.

I don't even know anymore.

Am I alive?


	8. Chapter 8

Snow is on the ground, so I will not be leaving the house for a long while. This makes it better for you readers, more snow means more chapters.

Keep up hopes for snow in my area, it is always better to have more days off so I can work on this story.

I hope you have been safe, and will enjoy this new chapter.

Chapter 8

I lazily stare out of the window, watching the rain pour down. The water drains down the hill, cars splashing through puddles and hitting people on the sidewalks.

My head is still spinning; I can still hear the screeching of the tires on the pavement. The looks of shock from those on the sidewalk haunt me.

Standing up, I walk downstairs and out the front door. The rain is cold, freezing actually. My skin stings with the water, and my hair sticks to my face. I shut my eyes and hold my arms out. I can feel myself begin to leave, I'm with Ami again.

She wraps her arms around my legs and shrieks with joy, "You're home! I missed you!" I kneel down and hug her tight.

"I missed you too," I smile, the tears run down my face, and I brush her hair back, "Are you okay?"

She smiles wide, but then the blood begins to leak down her eyes like tears, from her nose, mouth and ears. I shake, staring at her, she screams, "It hurts! Stop it Amu!" She crumples to the ground and her bones begin to snap.

My stomach turns inside out and I begin to throw up. The bile scratches my throat, and stings my insides. I cough, and double over, my stomach hurts badly. My eyes hurt, my head is spinning.

A loud crash brings me back to reality and I realize that I fell over onto the ground. My skin is tinted purple and blue, I'm shivering. I'm frozen on the ground, I can't move. My lips can't form the words to yell for Ikuto.

Everything spins again. My stomach drops, my heart jumps to my throat, and everything goes black.


	9. Chapter 9

Another chapter, have fun!

Chapter 9

**Ikuto – **

I wake up, it's quiet again, but Amu isn't next to me. Her side of the bed has the blanket thrown off and the pillow is gone. Sitting up, I grab my pants from the floor, tripping over them as I rush out of the room.

"Amu?" I ask, opening the bathroom door, nothing except the mirrorless wall. I go and open Utau's door, "Amu?" She's not there, but Utau is sleeping on top of her sheets. Another long day for the international singer.

I go downstairs and check the kitchen, living room and dining room. Nothing. She's gone, I walk down the hallway, and I feel a cold draft. I look and see the front door is wide open, "Amu?!" I go down the hall, and she's lying there on the ground.

My arms wrap around her thin body and I take her back inside, "Amu, hey, it's okay. Wake up, please," I take her upstairs and turn on the warm water to fill up the bath.

"Ikuto?" I look back and see Utau, but her eyes go wide, "She's purple!" Her hands go to the pale girl in my arm, "Amu, hey!"

It's no use, she won't wake up. Utau helps me get her clothes off, I feel my cheeks flush red, but I help keep her sitting up in the water.

"What happened? Did you say something to her?" Utau asks, her purple eyes holding an evil glare.

"No, I woke up and she was gone. I thought she ran away, or hurt herself," I mumble.

I run my fingers through her hair; it's tangled and matted against her head, "Could you get her clean? I need to think about some stuff, and I don't think she would be happy to know I saw her naked," Utau gives me this grin.

"Oh shush, you love her. You wanted to see her naked," she shoves my shoulder slightly, "go, I've got your girl."

I nod and walk out, "Dammit, think… Why did she go outside? It's freezing. Maybe she's still seeing Ami," I shake my head and run my fingers through my hair, "I just want her better."

I have to keep her alive.


	10. Chapter 10

Another chapter is here, I hope you are enjoying the ride so far.

Typing this up right next to my Germany trip document can be confusing, so if I have any errors, feel free to tell me so and I will correct them.

I do not own any portion of Shugo Chara! And I am not making any money off of this.

Chapter 10

When I wake up, I'm wrapped in warm blankets and clothed in fuzzy pj's. The lights are down, the windows are shut. It's quiet too, really quiet. I look to my left and see Ikuto leaning against the wall, asleep.

I reach over and lightly push him, he wakes up and falls backwards off the bed. A loud laugh erupts from my throat, but it's scratchy. He pops his head up above the bed and a smile comes to his face, "Hey, you're awake finally," he crawls back onto the bed.

"How'd I get back here?" I ask, and the smile leaves his face.

"I thought you ran away, the door was wide open. You were shaking and turning blue and purple Amu," he reaches over and takes me hand, "I had to kinda undress you so we could get you warm."

My eyes widen and I feel my face completely flush red, "Y-you saw me naked?" I stammer. He nods and I smack him, "Why did you do that?!" I shriek, and he laughs. He freaking laughs.

"Awww my little Amu is blushing!" He coos, I puff up my cheeks in frustration.

"No!" I yell, and he wraps his arms around me, "Stop it! I'm mad at you!"

"Stop being so picky, and be careful, you're arm is swollen." He runs his fingers over the bandage, I didn't even realize I had it on.

"Oh… I didn't feel it," I mumble. As I stare at it, I feel it start to sting again.

"You don't feel it?" He asks.

"I kind of do now, but I guess I wasn't thinking about it," I shrug.

"Could you eat?" Ikuto cocks his head to the side and I look down at the dark blanket.

"Maybe… I don't know, I really don't want food," I sigh. He pulls me close to him, arms around my waist.

"You need to eat something Amu," he mumbles.

I don't want to eat, maybe I can starve to death. I could avenge Ami with my death.

I really don't want to be alive.


	11. Chapter 11

I'm back in school finally, along with a serious migraine. I guess I should have never stopped my all sugar, all caffeine, and no vegetables diet after all.

Due to the migraine I have every single light off, the monitor light on low, and sunglasses on in a pitch black room. So if there are any errors, please correct me and I will correct my mistake as soon as I'm able.

I am not making any money off of this short story. All rights are reserved to the original creator.

Chapter 11

I think that Ikuto and Utau are talking about me. It's been that way for a few hours; I've been left alone in the cool room. The midnight sheets match his eyes, I've just realized that. Their murmuring is like a constant buzzing outside the door, kind of like a bee that just won't go away no matter how much you smack it.

The door cracks open, it's slow, but Ikuto's dark eyes meet mine. The worry lines disappear and a smirk rises from beneath the cool exterior, "Are you done?" I ask, my voice carries across the room, and he nods.

"We're done, how are you?" He whispers. I can barely hear it, but I shrug anyway.

"I don't know. Numb I guess… Is that even an emotion?" I stare down at the carpet and watch as the black dots float across my vision.

"That's a very odd emotion to feel," the bed compresses next to me, and I look over at him, "you wanna talk about it?"

"No, I'm fine…" I sigh, then, I look over. My eyes meet her dead amber ones, I crawl backwards, and Ikuto grabs me.

"Amu?" He asks, I feel the tears run down my face/

"A-Ami!" I cry.

There's no way I'm alive.


	12. Chapter 12

**I am terribly sorry for such a long delay. I was caught up with Christmas, a birthday, and I needed to get caught up on my mediation.**

**I do not own anything within the anime Shugo Cara! And there is no money being made off of this story.**

**Chapter 12**

It doesn't surprise me that Ikuto has been staying right beside me. I guess he's scared that I'll go insane.

I've been seeing Ami more and more. It's getting worse, she talks to me. It's my fault that she's dead, I know I need to reconcile with her.

Maybe I do need to die.

"Amu, hey," I look over and Ikuto holds out a cup, "it's green tea." A smile crosses over his face and I take it.

It warms up my hands, but just barely, "Ikuto... I don't want to be alive anymore."

The cup hits the floor, glass shatters every where. The light colored tea stains the white carpet, "Amu, why would you say that?" His hands clasp onto my cheeks, "Don't say those kinds of things!"

"But it's my choice... It's my body." I mumble, adverting my gaze to the sharp pieces on the ground. I can feel them sinking into my skin, piercing the purple flesh and letting the blood leak out.

He's talking, his mouth is moving, but I can't hear him. I see Ami standing out the window. The blood is dripping down her head, nose, mouth and ears. It's frightening.

"A-Ami." My voice cracks, I feel the tears again, "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry Ami!"

"Onee-chan!" She holds out her mangled arms, I move towards her.

I reach out and grab her, she's not hurt anymore. Her eyes shine with delight and she hugs me tight, "I was so scared."

"I'm sorry, I should've paid more attention Ami, I'm so so sorry."

Then, she fades away, everything becomes black. I can hear everything, but I can't move. I can't talk.

"Come on, wake up!" I'm picked up, I hear sirens.

"You need help Amu. I love you, I won't let you die."

I won't be alive much longer.


	13. Chapter 13

**Today is my birthday, so I decided to write a chapter to cheer me up. Medical dramas always make me happier for some odd reason.**

**Listening to House M.D. while I type this as well, so I know I will get this right.**

**Chapter 13 **

**Ikuto-**

The nurse asks me questions about her medical history. I don't know much; she was never sick or needed any medical attention around me.

"Her mental state, was that compromised? Has anything happened recently?" She asks, I stop and she immediately takes notice, "What happened?"

"Her little sister was hit by a car, just days ago. She hasn't exactly been stable… She's been seeing her little sister. Hallucinations I'm guessing," I sigh. They have to know everything, she needs to get better.

The doctor comes out and the nurse walks over, "We need a Psychiatric evaluation, hallucinations of a dead sister."

"PTSD more than likely, I'll get them down here," he says.

I go behind the curtain, there's a bandage wrapped around her head, covering one of her eyes. Her arm is held up in a sling, she's unconscious still.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Jean, I'm new here. So sorry if there's been a mix up, is this Amu?" The blonde haired woman asks.

"Yeah, it is," I nod, she walks over and sits next to Amu.

She wakes up, and they begin to have a small conversation. Mostly with Amu nodding, or Jean just has a one sided conversation with herself, making theories and nodding.

"When they brought you in, the doctors noted self inflicted markings on your arm. Was that in an attempt of suicide?" The doctor asks, my eyes flash over to Amu, her head bows down, and I see the tears run down her flushed cheeks.

"No… But I wish I was dead…" She whimpers.

"Amu, it wasn't your fault!" I rush to her side and wrap my arms around her, "It's okay," I shoosh.

"You recently lost your sister, correct?" Amu nods, "What happened?"

"She was hit by a car… I wasn't watching her carefully enough," her voice cracks.

"Alright, due to the admission of wanting to commit suicide, and the self harm wounds, we have to keep you here for 72 hours under a suicide watch. We will contact your parents and set up an appointment with a Psychiatrist so you can have someone to monitor your condition," and the woman walks out.

"They won't come… I don't care what anyone says to them, they don't care," she mumbles.

I take her good hand, and she looks up at me, her amber eyes almost dead.

"Amu, I know you don't believe me, but you'll get better. I'm right here, okay?" She nods slightly and the doctors walk in.

"We'll be taking you up to the Psych ward."

I won't let her die.

She has to stay alive.


End file.
